Don’t put it off until later. The psychologist told how to learn to live in the present | Psychology of life | Health

A new professional holiday – Psychologist’s Day – will be celebrated in Russia on November 22. The corresponding order was signed Chairman of the Government of the Russian Federation Mikhail Mishustin.

aif.ru spoke about one of the main modern psychological problems – delayed life syndrome Associate Professor of the Department of Clinical Psychology of the Moscow State Medical and Dental University of the Ministry of Health of Russia Natalya Viderman:

Delayed life syndrome is one of the most popular and discussed topics. However, it is important to understand that this syndrome is not a psychological diagnosis and certainly not a mental disorder.

With it, the present is perceived as a rehearsal for a future life, which certainly seems brighter and more fulfilling to a person. It seems that it will definitely come someday. However, no matter how many plans are made and drafts are written, this “bright and fulfilling life” does not become a reality. Even if a person managed to make his cherished dream come true, the “happiness” that it came true passes very quickly.

One of the variants of the deferred life syndrome is following the “achievement scenario”, that is, the person is in a position of strict self-restraints and prohibitions, fanatically following the set goal, which may be overly significant and too difficult.

Such individuals “postpone” life for later, they cannot allow themselves to enjoy the moment, they cannot be distracted from the tasks they have set for themselves. However, if a person achieves a goal, then quite often he experiences extreme stress and disappointment, since the “new happy life” does not relieve problems and anxieties. A person who has followed the “achievement script” for a long time and has achieved significant success may experience a feeling of inner emptiness, a loss of vital meaning.

Another category of people with deferred life syndrome, on the contrary, more often follows “other people’s” goals, and postpones achieving their own until later. Such individuals are more passive and are characterized by a long wait for events that should lead to a “happy life.”

People who have deferred life syndrome do not live real life and stop appreciating and enjoying good moments. Irritation, fatigue, apathy accumulate, and there is a risk of abuse of alcoholic beverages and other psychoactive substances. There is a predisposition to anxiety and depressive disorders.

How to recognize delayed life syndrome in yourself?

Deferred life syndrome is characterized by:

1. General dissatisfaction with oneself, dissatisfaction with life;

2. The inability to enjoy today, everyday “joys”;

3. The inability to be distracted from routine affairs, from achieving highly significant goals against the backdrop of the inability to rest and relax;

4. Expectation of a “happy” future, which must necessarily change the “gray or difficult” present.

What causes delayed life syndrome?

Delayed life syndrome most often develops in childhood. Parents who set high goals for their children, expecting impeccable academic performance and achievements from them, allow the child to develop delayed life syndrome. In such children, one can subsequently observe tendencies towards procrastination, as opposed to the desire to do everything perfectly.

A child who is brought up in a situation of belittlement and devaluation will in the future want to show himself and the whole world his worth and earn the approval of others. Such a person subsequently sets “big” goals for himself and makes incredible efforts to certainly achieve success and the desired recognition.

In general, such family attitudes as “today must be patient” in order for a “wonderful tomorrow” to come lead to the postponement of all the good things that can be filled with life for an indefinitely long period. As a result, the necessary skills and abilities to enjoy simple little things and enjoy the moment are not formed.

Deferred life syndrome can be caused by unprocessed childhood traumas, unlived losses and pathological grief, which change the entire course of a person’s future life. There is a feeling that life itself is losing value, as if it stops and freezes.

The formation of deferred life syndrome is strongly influenced by modern society, which transmits the ideal of a successful individual and the cult of achievement. For the sake of social success imposed by society, many have to study and work a lot.

How to get rid of delayed life syndrome?

Delayed life syndrome can be successfully overcome by methods of psychotherapy and psychological counseling. It’s hard to get rid of it on your own. However, this is possible if you adhere to two simple truths every day:

1. Absorption in routine activities, overly significant goals and cherished dreams interferes with the ability to enjoy every day. Awareness of how fleeting human existence is reveals the true value of every moment lived. “There is only a moment between the past and the future. This is what is called life!” – these words are from a song written Leonid Derbenevwhich was heard in the movie “Sannikov’s Land,” reveal this important truth to us.

2. Delayed life syndrome involves a shift in the locus of control. It is bad when a person, waiting for the onset of an “ideal” life, believes that other people or life circumstances bear responsibility for his life. It is also bad when a person attaches great importance to his actions in achieving super-significant goals. It is important to realize that responsibility for one’s own happiness at every moment of life, as well as responsibility for how everyday life develops, for relationships with loved ones and the social environment, is the responsibility of the person himself!