According to Hamshahri Online, if you are one of those people who care about your married life, you love your wife and family, but due to the ups and downs, you have encountered problems and you have been caught in a crisis. If you are trying your best to save this relationship, you should take the strategy of “couple therapy” seriously.
Just as every person goes through different stages in life, a couple goes through certain stages and goes through many ups and downs. Many couples face crisis in certain circumstances and situations.
One of the best options in such situations is couple therapy. Couple therapy helps you improve your marital relationship by using known and experienced methods. Act to remove the emotional barriers in relation to your spouse. and improve the level of family health. Many differences are resolved in couples therapy.
Here we are dealing with two groups of couples:
The first group is couples who live apart. They are not officially separated, they just don’t live together. The couple does not spend much time together. There is little intimacy between them. They are no longer interested in long discussions. But their concern is establishing or not establishing communication again. On the other hand, we face couples who live together, but are very involved in arguments and conflicts with each other. Their life is tense. They start arguments and fights over every little and big thing. These couples are always on the defensive. They criticize and attack each other. Depending on which category the couple is in, what situation they are in and what crises they are dealing with. The approach of couples therapy will be different.
Applied and practical exercises of couple therapy
Here we mention techniques and exercises that help couples in crisis to improve their relationship and overcome many obstacles.
1. Positive radar
The first exercise is based on the recognition and understanding of two types of radar in people. Positive radar and negative radar. It is very important that you activate and be sensitive to your positive radar. The meaning of positive radar is to identify happy and pleasant situations in your other party. For example, if your wife has cut her hair. Turn on your active radar immediately. And tell him: “how much this hairstyle suits you”.
This is a very positive exercise that has a two-way effect on both you and your partner. When you tell your wife that she has become more beautiful, your own attitude will somehow undergo a positive change. You have noticed something that is pleasing to you. And unconsciously you get a positive and good feeling towards your spouse.
2- The first fifteen minutes
This exercise can be linked to the exercise above. For example, when you return home and face your wife, practice separately to focus and pay attention only on the positive aspects for the first fifteen minutes.
Don’t ignore the positive words you hear, be grateful and right. And show a positive response and acceptance to this word or positive behavior. Try to stay in this positive mood for at least fifteen minutes; Talk about it. And make the relationship two-way.
3. reviewing the happy moments you spent together; View photo albums
This technique is especially effective if you have been together for a long time. Make a photo album of the good times you spent together in the past. Prepare a drink. Encourage your partner to sit together, pour two cups of tea and look at the pictures together. If a funny or happy memory about those days comes to your mind while watching, describe it. And laugh together. To enhance this experience, write a phrase or a word next to the photo, a stimulating and reminding phrase, which conveys a positive feeling to both of you and evokes happy moments in the past.
Surprise your wife once in a while. Try to make this surprise in a way that makes your wife happy. Make him really surprised and enjoy it, otherwise it might backfire.
If the routine and boredom of your life has become routine, this way with a little creativity will undergo a positive change in the process of life and strengthen the feeling of empathy.
5. Leave a message for each other
Sometimes, leave a positive message for your spouse with a short note on a piece of paper. Write your feelings of love or gratitude to him on paper and leave it where he can see it. For example, on the shelf next to his shaver, in the drawer, or anywhere else you can think of, he will find it quickly. Do this once or twice a week. Do not overdo it. Try to make your sentences positive but realistic and honest.
6. Agree to declare one day a week as the day of love.
On this day, discussions and arguments are closed. Respect interests too. Appreciate each other. If you have been violent and wronged in the past days, apologize and forgive each other out of love. Pay attention that if your relationship is not such that you express love and affection to each other. Just be kind to each other on this day. Agree not to argue. . So to speak, don’t get stuck at all.
7. For each review, two definitions
Practice a lot that for every criticism and criticism of your spouse, you immediately remind him of two positive points, i.e. his two virtues. Count his four virtues against two criticisms. Take this provision seriously and do not take it lightly. This technique is especially effective for couples who criticize each other a lot. This exercise is an effort to stop criticizing, and focus on the positive aspects of each other.
8. In any debate, give your opponent at least one percent
Whenever you disagree with something. Tell yourself that maybe one percent is right with him. When you give even one percent to your wife despite your strong opposition. Your approach in that discussion changes completely. And you suddenly change that right state to the harsh side. This exercise will help both of you refine your view of each other. And show more empathy and companionship to each other.
9. time out; Asking for a deadline and rest time in couples therapy
If you are one of those couples who argue a lot. When your discussion is taking too long, stop talking, make an English T sign with your hands. And leave the discussion. When you notice that you or your partner is calmer. Come back and talk more calmly and logically. Respect each other. And respect the right.
10. Celebrating the progress and improvement of the relationship
When you realize that by using any of the above methods or by any other technique provided by the consultant. Your relationship has improved a little. Consider it important and respectable. Celebrate it. For example, go out for dinner together at night or go to the first place that you made a date at the beginning of your acquaintance. And change the mood.
If you have reached a relative peace after leaving the bad situation behind, you can invite those who have accompanied you on this way to this small celebration. Have a small family or friends party and welcome others.
Commitment and perseverance
As we mentioned above, these exercises are not the final solutions of couples therapy. But they can be very helpful and effective. Remember that with persistence and perseverance you can get the desired result. The first step is that maintaining and continuing the relationship is important to you and you want to maintain it. Do not be discouraged and try your best.
The important thing is to take the exercises seriously. Use the experiences of other couples and give your life and heart in this way. The marital relationship is worth preserving; Especially when children are present in this relationship. Do not spare any effort to protect your family.
If for any reason these things do not help you, seek help and advice from trusted couples therapists. It might be hard for you at first and you don’t want to talk about your problems with anyone. But take the first step. You come across positive results that you realize are worth it, take it seriously and make time for it.
This news article has been translated from the original language to English by WorldsNewsNow.com.
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