I felt motherhood when I heard two syllables: ‘ma-ma’ – 03/28/2024 – Mothering

It is with great joy that I take over the Maternar blog today, of which I have been a reader for years, ever since being a mother was just a desire. I will be accompanied by my dear writing colleague Havolene Valinhos, who got pregnant three weeks apart from me and with her I shared many doubts and anxieties.

I’ve already told you right here in this space my journey to achieve motherhood, from my drama when I suffered a miscarriage, the race against time to get pregnant after the age of 40 until the dream came true. My personal fairy tale. Today, I already have many good stories to tell about my Olivinha, as well as many doubts, which are endless.

I confess that even with the relief and joy after going through this painful process to be able to hold my daughter, all I felt when she was born, after the initial emotion, was a great panic and an immense concern about not letting her die, especially suffocated or choked.

I kept putting my hand on my belly to see if it was moving, breathing, to get relief. I still find myself doing this almost a year later.

I wanted to stay as many days as I could in the hospital to receive assistance from the nurses and use the hospitalization as a great maternity school. Yes, because breastfeeding is also training, learning. As well as changing diapers and giving baths.

Besides, if the baby suffers any setback, as was the case with Olivia, who almost suffocated hours after being born, we are supported by specialists. If I had been alone at that moment, when I froze, she wouldn’t have been rescued so quickly, which could make a big difference.

When I went home with her in the baby comfort, my relationship became mechanical: breastfeeding every three hours, changing the diaper, setting the alarm to breastfeed again, giving her a bath, changing the diaper again. A loop of functions that we learned in practice.

At that time, I thought that the maternity leave time wasn’t enough, because everything was so intense that it felt like I had been in that crazy routine for years. Meanwhile, Olivia kept a straight and stern face. I thought: “this girl is going to be a real winner”. This whole scavenger hunt lasted about three months.

Until she started to smile, beautifully. From then on, my heart softened and the love only grew, because it stopped being a mechanical relationship. It became a great game. Then maternity leave ended and I had to go back to work. Which was great too, because it made me feel like I was alive again, in a new life.

The months passed and she never crawled, which only happened after nine months. Now no one holds back. She now knows how to stand up on her own, with support, and has become an almost independent woman.

But what really moved me this month was the first time I heard her say “ma-ma”. Two syllables that sum up the years-long struggle I faced to hear that sweet sound. I’m in love. Any new word is a party: “ba-ba”, “pa-pa”, “da-da”. And so Olivia grows, as does my love for her.

LINK PRESENT: Did you like this text? Subscribers can access five free accesses from any link per day. Just click the blue F below.